What Is a Grief Journal?

By Sue McDonald, Grief Counselor and Grief Journal writer for over 20 years.

In essence, grief journaling is a vehicle to write or record your journey through grief. There is no right or wrong way, and each journal is unique to its author.

I do not want to provide a definitive answer, nor an instruction manual with a set of tasks to complete. This limits our creativity and individuality, crushing our free will, causing us to feel fear and shame, for ‘getting it wrong’.

I want to give you encouragement, to empower you, to guide you towards your own kind of grief journal, unique to you, with no set structure or pattern. Your grief journal can be anything you want it to be. There are NO RULES.

What Does A Grief Journal Look Like?

Use your imagination, and let your intuition guide you. Don’t worry about grammar, spelling or punctuation. Remember, NO RULES!

Here are a few ideas

Simple exercise book or leather bound journal
Home made book, or shop bought
Lined or unlined
Small or large
Scrap book
Black and white or colour

How Journaling Helps With Grief

Research suggests that there are many health benefits (physical, emotional and spiritual) to grief journaling. Just a few minutes of journaling each day can reduce stress, increase awareness, and enable us to process our emotions. Here are some of the ways grief journaling can help us:

Connects us to our emotions
Helps us to process emotions
Calms our nervous system
Slows down our thought process
Makes meaning of our thoughts
Bypasses our rational left brain, and engages our right, intuitive brain
Lowers heart rate and reduces blood pressure
Reduces anxiety and depression
Declutters the mind
Reduces stress
Processes memories
Increases self awareness
Improves self discipline
Helps us to achieve our goals
Develops self confidence
We can do this in our own time
Connects us with our internal world
It is non threatening and non judgmental
Integrates parts of the self
Helps to regulate emotions.

Refs: Pennebaker, J. W. (1997). Writing about emotional experiences as a therapeutic process. Psychological Science, 8, 162-166

Bolton G, Gelipter D, Nelson P (2000) Keep taking the words: therapeutic writing in primary care. British Journal of General Practice. 50 (450) 80-81

Can Grief Journaling Be Harmful?

It is possible to become stuck in your thoughts. Difficult, painful emotions can surface. However, we can use our grief journal to explore these thoughts and painful feelings, to help us understand and process them safely. If necessary, we can seek external support from trusted friends, family or professionals.

My Journal Story

I began journaling as a requirement for my first counseling course many years ago, to explore my personal process and progress through my professional journey. Initially I felt confused, frustrated and rather fearful.

What was I supposed to write?
Who would see my writing?
Was I doing it properly?

Early entries were simply lists and accounts of my daily activities, but, slowly, I learned to explore my thoughts and feelings, until journaling became an important part of my everyday life. Ultimately, my journal enabled me to break through into my deeply repressed grief, and helped me to process a myriad of emotions, too scary to speak out loud. Over many years, my grief journal has helped me to heal from complex, traumatic grief, and continues to be an integral part of me.

My grief journal is my best friend, my therapist, my guide, my greatest teacher and my harshest critic. It is my safe space where I can rant and rage, explore, scream, laugh and cry, enabling me to express everything I think and feel without judgment.
My journal is my portal to my inner world of dreams, fears and imagination, where I can visit whenever I want to, undisturbed and uncontaminated by anyone else.
My journal is my very own personal, private place which belongs only to me. It has become my most important, precious possession, accompanying me wherever I go, ready and poised to listen and bear witness to my ongoing everyday life. A life like yours, filled with joy and sadness, fear and love, anger and hatred, jealousy and compassion, plus that dreaded emotion and arch enemy, shame.
My journal is where I meet my self. Not the persona I present to the world, to conform with cultural ideals, patriarchal dogmas, and societal expectations, but my innermost self, unknown to all but me. It is an extension of me, a reflection of me, and a part of me, enabling and empowering me to become whoever I want to be, without the limiting constraints of other people’s helpful suggestions, and unhelpful criticisms.
My journal is my saviour, my salvation from suffering, and my greatest healer. It is my safe container where I can pour my heart out onto each page knowing that whatever I say, it will be in complete confidence. It is a place to explore and express my thoughts, emotions and actions; to reflect and understand relationships, with others, and myself ; and a place to grow, develop, and process all I experience.
My journal has become my sacred place to heal, restore, regenerate and celebrate as I continue my journey as a sentient human being, often struggling to find my way through this dynamic, amazing process called life.

I have experienced many ‘lightbulb’ moments through grief journaling.

I discovered that my many physical symptoms were a result of repressed grief, which gradually dissolved as I worked through my pain.
I have recovered memories (good and bad) which I had lost.
Most importantly I have discovered my true identity, as the hidden parts of myself slowly emerged in my writing.
Today, I have a new and authentic relationship with myself.
I have experienced a transformation from disconnection, pain, and being inside an inner void, to a deep connection with my inner self.
I have become my own inner therapist.

I also discovered poetry, which found me unexpectedly, as an expression of my inner world, and extension of my journal writing, which bypassed my rational brain, and helped me to access deeper layers of my unconscious mind.

How Do You Start A Grief Journal?

When you first start your grief journal, you may wonder where to begin. You may feel fear, of what you might uncover, of facing yourelf, of your deepest feelings of pain, anger, jealousy, hatred, shame, even joy, of opening “Pandora’s Box”, or of getting it wrong. These fears are perfectly normal, and understandable. There are many examples, ideas and suggestions to help us take the first step, which can be helpful to get us going.

See our different types of grief journal ideas

What do I need?

Courage to face your difficult emotions
Time to devote to your own inner work
Space to write
Imagination
Equipment. Whatever takes your fancy! Here are some suggestions -A simple pen and paper or an elaborate leather bound book. A preprinted journal with prepared prompts. A computer. A home made booklet or scrapbook. Pens, pencils, crayons, paints, collage materials, glue.

Remember, NO RULES!

Trust The Process

Grieving is a natural part of life. It is inevitable, and affects us all. There is no quick fix, no easy answers, or an easy way around grief. It is a natural process we go through and experience, in order to grow and heal.

Listen to yourself. Be brave. Trust your instincts. Many of us have been conditioned to ignore our gut feelings, and listen to “experts”. You are the expert of yourself. Use your imagination.

Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with compassion, as if you are your best friend. Work in your own time. Your inner guide knows what to do. There is no wrong way.

We all want to feel ok. It is scary to confront our own pain and to feel the difficult emotions, which exist in us all. It takes courage to face our suffering. However, it takes a great deal of energy to repress and avoid our emotional pain, which ultimately takes its toll on our physical and emotional health. So I urge you to pick up you pen (or whatever you choose) and let yourself write or draw whatever comes, be it words, rhyme, images, even scrawls, and give it a go.

Remember, NO RULES!

Sue has shared some of her favourite grief journal prompts and questions here.

Sue McDonald, (BA, PGCE, Dip Couns, Cert Couns, Dip Supervision), is a retired psychotherapist and trainer, with expertise in developmental disabilities, trauma and complex grief. She is an avid advocate of journal writing, having kept her own journal for over 20 years. She also has a passion for sharing her experiences to empower others to heal from grief and loss through this gentle, yet powerful medium.

Where to get help:

Have You Considered One-on-One Online Grief Counseling?

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