When do you know when you should seek grief counselling?

by Barbara
(Stockport, UK)

A friend of mine lost her son a few months ago. She doesn't seem to be coping very well at all. I tried to get her to see someone, but she says she doesn't want to. Am I right in thinking she needs help?

How can I help my friend who is suffering grief after her husband died?

by JADE
(Hong Kong )

My friend recently lost her husband, and is very withdrawn and upset. I'd like to be able to help, but really don't know what to do for the best. She doesn't want to go out or do anything. I'm a bit worried about her to be honest.

Is it appropriate to express grief through humour?

by Mary
(Rome, Italy)

My father's funeral was last week, and we all got the giggles and ended up in hysterics. There was one particular aunt who thought it was terrible and that we were being really disrespectful. I thought my Dad would have enjoyed it, and seen the funny side. But I do feel a bit bad about upsetting my aunt.

How do other people cope with their grief?

by Brenda
(Colchester, Essex, UK)

I would appreciate some ideas about how others are managing to cope with grief.

Anyone Out There Getting Sued ?

by Fred
(San Diego)

Hello And Peace To All,
I moved in with my dear dad three years before his passing at 93. I loved him with all my heart, and was glad to help. He was in a wheel chair for almost 2 years. My 2 elder brothers, and 2 elder sisters had abandoned my father. Until, his stroke, then my sisters would visit him in the board and care facilities. My eldest sister , "Z." made our lives miserable.
I haven't been friends with these people in 25 years,but 13 weeks after his death Z, and her attorney began demanding documents from me. My attorney and I complied, but nothing satisfied her. Now, she is trying to remove me as Trustee, and the legal bills are huge. I'm getting professional psych support, but Z is telling bold faced lies about me. My attorneys believe that the case will be thrown out once we are in front of the judge. Z is a deeply disturbed woman with nothing better to do. She will eliminate our trust cash reserves out of pure spite. I think this is more painful at this time because of the holidays.
Thank-you,
Fred

Does it really help to talk to someone about your grief?

by June
(Birmingham, Alabama)

I'm not sure whether I should tell someone how I'm feeling.

Can grief over the death of a loved one cause physical pain or illness?

by Susan
(Bendigo, Australia)

I have been suffering from one infection after another since my daughter died in January this year, and I've been having a lot of joint pain. Is it because of the grief do you think?

Should My Son Be Forced to Visit His Mother's Graveside?

by Ian McBurney
(Scotland)

Should my teenage son be forced to visit his recently deceased mother's grave ?

General grief question

by Lisa
(Illinois)

It's been almost 3 months since my husband passed unexpectedly. How do I know I am handling the day to day stuff normally? And why is the first year equated to being in a fog?

The meaning of dreams when grieving?

by Vivienne
(UK)

It is coming up to two years since my husband died. I push it all away during the day by keeping very busy with work etc but at night time I am having dreams about him more frequently that are very upsetting. I usually wake to find I have been crying.

The dreams are about looking for him and realising that he’s not there or him going off with another woman which he never did when he was alive!

Once I wake up I discover that I don’t feel anything again. The pain and despair these dreams cause is heartbreaking but during the day I stop myself from thinking about him because I can’t face the pain of the loss.

I presume this is all normal and part of the grieving process? My friends think I’m in denial but if I am is that such a bad thing?

Should I attend my ex-husband's father's funeral?

by B
(Ky)

My ex-husband's father passed away and I am unsure if I should attend the funeral (I'm not able to go to visitation.) My ex-husband and I have been split for 7 years and haven't spoken in 4 years. We have a 15 year old son (who lives with his grandparents, the one that just passed.) Thank you in advance.

Parting with my loved one's possessions

It's been just over a year since my husband passed away from cancer. I still can't believe he is gone. Maybe that is part of why I still can't find the strength to part with his clothes, cell phone, work related books and papers. My home is full of his clothes and precious other items. How can I get over the attachment to his things? I know where to donate his work clothes and such, and I know that there are so many people that can benefit from them. I know all this. I just can't get myself to part with it. They are all reminders of him. Please help.

Self Harm after Death of Loved One

by Katy
(Birmingham)

Have you thought of harming yourself or others since the death of your loved one?

How Do I Move On from Grief?

by Juan
(Whittier, CA)

I feel like I'm stuck. How do I shake this feeling like I'm depressed? I want to crawl under a rock and not come out.

Death of Boyfriend's Father

My boyfriend's father died a couple of days ago. My boyfriend is on another continent and won't be able to make it back for the service. I don't know his parents or extended family very well but I would like to express my sympathy to his mother as well as give my support to him. Is it appropriate for me to send her a sympathy card and attend the service?

Loss of a friend

by Andrew
(London Ontario)

Ok, hoping there's enough space here, question's kind of complicated. Basically my Dad, a few years ago moved in with a good friend of his who happened to be a meth addict. This is when my Mom, still currently living there, who eventually moved out, for obvious reasons, and then it was just the 2 of them. They seemed pretty good but he also got my Dad doing a fair bit of hard drugs, and most of the family attempted to intervene. But the 'friend' was a very competent sweet talker and also reminded my Dad of his dead brother (my uncle who died of cancer maybe 7 years ago). Anyway, after a year and half of living together, the friend was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer (shitty coincidences) and ends up dying later that year. Now, also coincidentally I've been back in town and didn't know to what extent a drug addict entirely destroys a house, and my Dad has become almost solitary in his living. Now I think he's stopped with drugs, I think, but he's anti social, ungrateful, and straight up terrible to be around. This was a year and a half ago which is a bit of time, not a lot, but some. And he doesn't talk to anyone about, doesn't read about grief or listen, hasn't seen a grief counselor or psychiatrist. Nothing.

I've gotten most of the house looking a bit cleaner, but getting mixed results in whether that's actually helpful. And I cook a bunch of his food or sometimes bring him out to restaurants to, you know, get him a little social.

However at this point, I'm at a complete loss on what to do. This friend of his was less of a loss for me so I'm definitely better able to cope, but I also have people I can depend on, people who I socialize with and have life. I read and try to understand some of what I can do to help, books and videos and practice yoga just to keep my own mindset somewhat sound. Any suggestions would be helpful. He's always been distant, but this is something else, and as much as I'd like it to not be my problem, it's my Dad, so f**k my life, what to do? What to do?

Loss of a brother

by Marie
(London)

I lost my brother in March 2018 this year to cancer. He was just 35 and had a 5 year old son.

I am struggling with the fact that my brother was a healthy 35 year old who visited the gym, ate healthy, never smoked in his life could get so ill. He had a 9 month illness and it was only in January this year that things went from bad to worse and we lost him 6 weeks after being told it was terminal having gone into his bones. It is an evil cruel illness and I will never get over losing my brother in this way. I have another brother and we just feel lost without our middle man in our lives.

When someone is entering their last days close to Christmas

by CC
(NC)

My mom has been in home hospice since June. She is now bed-bound, very weak, and doesn't speak or think clearly. It seems like our neighbor is so overwhelmed with seeing her that they no longer come around or call. I spoke to her brother, and it was difficult - for him and for me - he did not stay on the phone very long at all. And - now comes everyone's most favorite season of all - Christmas. What now? Everyone is so merry - "Hey, Merry Christmas. How's your mom? Tell her I said hi, blah, blah, blah." I have no responses at all. What do I say to these people?

Grief for my Nana

by Sophie
(UK)

My name is Sophie and I'm 23. I am grieving the loss of my nana even after about two years, and I'm trying to deal with my anxiety after the loss and feelings of guilt for not being there for her more.

She was my best friend and the feelings can still be quite overwhelming, I was just wondering if anyone had experienced similar things or has any advice for me?

Memories of my dead aunt make me sleepless

by Arnob
(Dhaka)

I lost my aunt 3 months ago. She died of a sudden brain stroke. The hospital and funeral memories are now haunting me all day long. I can't sleep because of those scenerios. Whenever I close my eyes several of the images of her dead pop up in my eyes. It's really unbearable for me now to handle. Please help me out.

Bereavement Leave - Does it need to be immediate

by Mike
(Hillsboro, OR)

Both of my parents passed away within 10 days of each other - one on 12/22/2018 and the other 1/1/2019. My company has a 3 day bereavement policy for parents. I did not take any time off because my brothers and I were not going to have a memorial until this May. Would you think that the bereavement policy would still apply - the 3 days off?

Falling in love with your brother in law

Has anyone ever fallen in love with their brother in law after their sister passed away? My sister and I were very close and when she passed away my brother in law and I were both having a very hard time. We have spent hours on the phone talking and consoling each other and before we knew it we were becoming very close ourselves. I have always had a close bond with him being as I was so close with my sister and he was her childhood sweetheart. He is a very unique and wonderful man and I can understand why my sister was so in love with him.

I believe in my heart that she would be happy for us but I am not so sure that the others in the family will feel that way.

New wave of grief on selling family home

by Kathrine
(Boston)

Hi everyone,

I'm struggling to deal with a new wave of grief after three years of losing my mother. We are in the process of selling the family home where she lived and it has been an emotional process - good days and bad. We are at the point now where the house is nearly empty and the sale is due to complete in the next few weeks. I feel that this is the moment we've all been waiting for and avoiding at the same time.

My main difficulty is that my mother passed away in that house. It was a peaceful death, surrounded by family but it was an intense experience after many years of ill health.

So I suppose that is why I am struggling as the house is where she died. Logically I know this will probably pass when the house has changed hands and I 'move on' but I'm very emotional and not sure what I can do - just experience it as part of the grief process? Has anyone else experienced this? Thank you for listening!

My sister died and I keep telling myself I'm dying.

by Emily
(Lincoln )

Since she died 4 weeks ago I'm literally thinking I'm dying all the time. I can't stop. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Finding Out a Loved One Is Terminal

by Katie
(Wrexham)

Since finding out that a loved one is terminal, my mind has disconnected me from the situation with a fuzzy head feeling. I feel sad but the tears are no longer coming and I am not able to engage in conversation or to hold simple information.

Is this common? I want to say so many things but words are not coming easy in any situation. I constantly feel slightly drugged. I want to feel the emotions even if they are breaking my heart.

What is it all about?

by Jerry
(Ma)

I have been dealing with loss over half my life by myself. I'm still struggling with it all. A lot of people just take it for granted - oh he is fine - so I do not really talk about it. I feel no one really understands. I'm just so lost.

Added stress & anxiety when you're executor?

by Stephanie
(New Jersey, USA)

My mother died from COVID on Decemeber 28, 2020. I'm the executrix of the estate, getting a lot of support from my brothers and friends, mental & physical. My anxiety has been building lately. It felt like we went into automatic when she became ill, passed away, planned the funeral, started cleaning out the house and getting it sold, but my anxiety is getting worse. We've just been through Mother's Day and my niece was married on Mom's birthday. Is this normal? What is normal for grieving for your parent and being the executor of the estate? I'm working full time too, mostly remotely, but what I really need now is peace and quiet and a lot of a lone time just to slow down. Has anyone else had this experience?

Thank you.

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