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Coping with Bereavement Following Suicide

by Sue
(Leeds)

My partner committed suicide in our home on 7/1 2017 following an argument during which I left the house. I feel so responsible and feel that had I stayed or answered his calls he would be here today. I am struggling to function at the moment and cannot stop feeling I could have changed the outcome.

Sue

Comments for Coping with Bereavement Following Suicide

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Jan 11, 2017
 Guilt After Loss to Suicide
by: Betty from Grief and Sympathy

Dear Sue,

Thank you for writing to us. We are so sorry to hear about your devastating loss.

Any suicide of a loved one leaves a family feeling guilty. Your guilt is multiplied due to the argument and you walking out.

However please try not to blame yourself. We are all responsible for our own decisions and it was his own choice.

It sounds as if it would help you to join a suicide loss support group and also find a counsellor to talk over all your feelings which are so debilitating at present.

You are in the early difficult stages of grief. It is not easy to think clearly.

Give yourself time to assimilate what has happened and do seek medical help too.

There are several pages on this site relating to suicide, we hope you find some comfort soon.

Coping with Suicide

Our thoughts are with you.

The Grief and Sympathy team
Jan 11, 2017
 So sorry
by: Michelle

Dear Sue,

I feel for you so much reading your story! My husband has attempted suicide 4 or 5 times so far. The first time was the worst because I felt as if my life has not been enough. It took me many years to begin to understand mental illness, at least a bit. I have learnt that when someone takes their life it is about their state of mind, and not the circumstances. If mental illness was not present they would have responded quite differently to exactly the same circumstances. It is not your fault.

I understand that you feel you could have changed the outcome, but I can tell you that when my husband made the last suicide attempts I got there just in time and he was saved. When I look back I often wish I had not. He has never been the same man since that day in particular. He has suffered depression and mania on and off, and in the last 6 years was diagnosed with dementia, I do believe the dementia is related to all he's been through.

I don't know if this can possibly be of any comfort to you, but I believe my husband would have been better off if his last attempt had succeeded. His world is very small and tragic now, and he is a shadow of the man he used to be. It's as if he wanted to be out of life so badly, and now he is even though his body still goes through the motions of living.

I've learnt that the destiny of those we love is totally out of our hands, there is nothing we can do to change it.

I wish you solace and healing. Sending love from a fellow griever,
Michelle
Aug 15, 2018
 Thank you
by: Christina

Michelle, I wanted to thank you for your reply to Sue. Having lost my brother and my dad, my mum then attempted suicide. I got there in time and saved her. I have felt guilty ever since. I can't say it to anyone else because it sounds so bad but I wish I had let her die. It's so sad to see what she has become and she will never forgive me.

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Teen Daughter Struggling to Cope with Suicide of Best Friend

10 months ago, my 18 year old daughter lost someone very important to her to suicide. She is struggling so badly with this, and while she is not one to talk about her problems, she has finally admitted to me that she can't keep feeling like this and thinks she might need help.

How can I help her?
How do I know if she needs professional help or if time is the only thing that will get her through this?

Please help me help my daughter.

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Nov 09, 2014
 Breakthrough in Grief
by: Betty from Grief and Sympathy

Thank you so much for sharing your daughters problem with us. You have had a great breakthrough in the fact that she has at last talked to you about how she feels. Perhaps she is now ready to talk to a bereavement group or counsellor about how she feels about her loss.

She is young and this may be her first encounter with loss and it is very difficult when a young person is involved.

She is lucky that you are there supporting her and doing your best. Look at what sessions for grief counselling are available in your area. You can ask at your doctor's surgery or the library or community centre.

She may feel more confident on a one to one basis so ask friends if anyone knows a good therapist.

Your daughter sounds ready to talk about her loss and a trained therapist may be the best. Your Doctor or priest may give advice too.

Our very best wishes to you both.
Betty

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