About the Authors of Grief and Sympathy

“This website is not just about my own personal bereavement pathway, but is based on the experiences I encountered during a long and varied career in the nursing profession.

Nursing cadetship and training

I knew from a very early age that I wanted to be a nurse, so at the tender age of 16, I found myself with a friend on the coach going down to Southend-on-Sea to start what would be a long, satisfying and fascinating 45 year career in nursing.

It seems very brave now, looking back, but we were ready for the adventure and we were well looked after.  We lived in the attics of Southend-on-Sea General Hospital and worked long hours. Our late night passes were until 10pm, and we had to see the night sister when we got in. Mind you, we managed to circumvent that one on many an occasion!

By the age of 18, I was in the main wards doing my staff nurse training. I transferred back to the north East of England to do my final year at Stockton and Thornaby General Hospital.  While there I got married to Colin who I'd met at a school dance when I was 15.

Midwifery 

I did my midwifery exams at Middlesborough Maternity Hospital while pregnant with Lesley, my daughter, and the editor and builder of this website. My son Andrew came along 3 years later after a miscarriage in-between.

Bringing up the children and nursing part-time

While the children were at school I worked at a centre for people with epilepsy, (The David Lewis Centre for Epilepsy) which included a school and a workshop, and housed the elderly. I worked in the sick bay. Then I worked for The Cambridge Nursing Agency for about 5 years. Through the agency, I worked on private hospital wards, at doctors' surgeries, and in private schools in the sick bay as well as nursing a lot of fascinating elderly patients in their homes.

Health visiting

Once the children had grown up, I was able to continue on the next step of my nursing career. I applied to become a Health Visitor and was lucky enough to be given the chance to be sponsored on the one year course by the Hertfordshire Area Health Authority. If you don't know what health visitors do in the UK, they have responsibility for all the babies until they reach school age. The training includes child development, psychology, sociology, counselling, and bereavement. I worked as a health visitor for the Herts Area Health Authority in Stevenage for ten years, and helped many families through such tragedies as stillbirths, cot deaths, terminal illnesses, accidents and child deaths. I also visited the womens' refuges and held clinics for mothers and babies as well as ante-natal clinics. We also visited the schools to do health checks.

I also became an HV FWT (field work teacher for new health visitors).  

Running a Nursing Home 

My husband Colin took early retirement in 1985, and we bought a high dependency nursing home with 19 beds, Marshlands Nursing Home in Norfolk, UK. We ran this beautiful home in an old rectory for 15 years until we retired together to Australia in 2000. We had some wonderful patients over the years, and it was an honour to support the long term disabled and the terminally ill and their families. We tried to make it like a real home for them, especially at Christmas and we were thrilled when Prince Charles agreed to visit and even planted a tree for us. 

I trained many carers who were working for us, and became an NVQ Assessor so that they could gain recognised qualifications.  

Christmas at Marshlands Nursing Home

Prince Charles Visiting Marshlands

Retirement

I had the wonderful good fortune to have ten fabulous years of retirement with my husband Colin, here in Australia close to my son, my daughter and my grandchildren. We traveled extensively, played bridge and saw a lot of our family.

My own bereavement and wonderful friends

I have to thank the best two children a parent could have, plus their families for the tremendous support they gave me after the sudden loss of my dear husband of 52 years in 2011. Huge thanks also to my sincere, supportive friends from the bridge club and debating group who took me under their wings when I wandered around on automatic pilot for several months. They got used to being bottom of the class when playing with me, but they persevered. When I was so anxious, I was scared to drive, they ferried me around. I’ve been blessed with many friends and you will never know how much you helped me. My dearest friends know who they are.

Life goes on

People say to me “how do you cope alone?” Well, you have no choice but to get through each day. Find some pleasure in each day. Enjoy friends and family outings. The alternative is to sit in a corner, mope, give up. Life is too short and too precious for that.

Grief and Sympathy - this website

I have found great solace in writing the pages for this website. I started writing one night when I couldn't sleep and just couldn't stop. My daughter Lesley is a website builder and suggested we make a site to try and help people through the pathways of bereavement. If it is of any help to anyone, I have achieved my goal.

The chaotic mix of emotions we feel, whether we have lost a child, a partner or a friend are going to be unique to each of us. No-one will ever know exactly how you feel. But perhaps reading through any of these pages, you might find something that strikes a chord, or gives you some hope.

We'd love to hear your comments, feedback and suggestions and you can contact us through the contact page here.

I wish you all the very best in your journey through this precious life. You will survive bereavement. It’s a painful road but endure, press on.  You come out of it a stronger person with a better understanding of life around you."

Betty

PS.  We've been working on this site for over 12 years now, and I have also written a book to help those coping with caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's.  It is a practical guide to caring, but it also gives a lot of suggestions on how to cope with the inevitable grief of gradually losing someone to this disease.  Just click on the book to find out more.  I was proud to receive the Award of Pittwater Senior of the Year in 2014 for my book and for the website.  

UPDATE from Lesley:  At 85 years of age now, my dear Mum, Betty has herself now succumbed to Alzheimer's. She was the last person I expected to get it. She found it highly ironic when she was diagnosed, but has tackled this, as with everything else, with courage, good humour and positivity. Currently in a nursing home, she has lost the ability to speak, but still brings joy to all around her with smiles, laughs and waves. 

"Having lost my partner to lung/brain cancer in 2021, and now caring for my dear mother, Betty, as she declines, I have learned a lot about grief in the last few years. As I followed Mum's advice and everything I have learned as editor of this website, I have built up more strength and resilience than I could have imagined. Her wise words throughout this site will continue to help so many people for years to come. I could not be more proud of her".  Lesley.